i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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