did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
