my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
two words: eviction party
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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