Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
