He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
