Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
