i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
