never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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