Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Actions speak louder than pants.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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