Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
