uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
