Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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