I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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