Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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