tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
