My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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