she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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