she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
