Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
