Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i think my cat just said my name.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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