I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
