im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
