if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
