WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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