that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
