She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I checked into jail on foursquare
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
