Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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