I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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