And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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