My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
