someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
