ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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