M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
