we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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