I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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