My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
