why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Houston, we have a squirter
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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