currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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