My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am midnight drunk by noon
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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