Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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