Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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