Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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