I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
And then he peed in my hair
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