Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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