Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
