Duck Duck Cougar?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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