remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
