Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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