remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
