Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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