i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have tasted many bathrooms
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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