epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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