I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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