she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
