it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
