i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
