Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
