so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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