i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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