So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
