I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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