Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
now i know why i became what i already was.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
