I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
