So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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