I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
