Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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