did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
